When Thoughts Become Words

Choose your own path.

This summer, I offered a limited-time coaching experience programme called "Summer Reflection Sessions – Putting Your Thoughts into Words", where people could experience coaching at half my usual fee.

There was a reason why I did not simply call it a "coaching experience session".

When people read or hear the word "coaching", what they imagine can vary greatly from person to person. Not everyone necessarily has a clear understanding of what coaching actually is. So rather than focusing on the word "coaching" itself, I thought about what I wanted people to experience through coaching. That was what I wanted the name to express.

For me, the power of coaching lies in something that is not always easy to do on our own: pausing and reflecting.

"Is that really true?"

"How did I get here?"

"Why am I struggling with this, or feeling so unsettled about it?"

We pause for a moment and look at what is going on inside us. Then something begins to become clear:

"Ah, so that's what it was!"

And from there, we can regain a sense of confidence and think:

"This is what I want to do from here."

For me, this is where the power of coaching lies.

But even when we understand that pausing and reflecting are important and necessary, why is it so difficult to do it on our own?

"I don't have time. And if I have time to reflect, I'd rather just keep moving forward."

We may feel that pausing is probably necessary, but we simply cannot find the time. If we have that time, perhaps it is better just to keep pushing ahead.

Or:

"I think about it all the time anyway."

It is always there, going around in our minds. We have already thought and worried about it many times. So we wonder how much difference it would really make to talk about it again.

But if we keep pushing ahead without reflecting, are we really moving forward?

If we are not clear about which direction we are heading in, or what our own compass is, trying harder and harder to move forward does not necessarily take us anywhere. We may simply be going around in circles and using even more energy.

There is also a big difference between having thoughts going around and around in our minds and actually putting them into words, almost as if we were placing them in front of us so that we could look at them.

We can spend a long time thinking about something in our head without getting anywhere. Of course, sometimes a breakthrough comes unexpectedly because of something that happens. But putting our thoughts into words can greatly accelerate that process.

I wanted to offer people an opportunity to pause, reflect and put what they were thinking into words, without being too caught up in the label of "coaching". I wanted them to experience the power of this process for themselves.

That is why I called the programme "Summer Reflection Sessions – Putting Your Thoughts into Words".

Looking back, I feel that I was fortunate to connect with people who were genuinely looking for coaching at that particular moment in their lives. The sessions turned out to be very rich and meaningful.

The power of putting thoughts into words

I think almost all the participants experienced the power of putting their thoughts, feelings and ideas into words.

So what actually happens when we do this?

For example, we may realise that something we have believed we wanted to do is actually something we no longer want to do.

Something we thought was "already decided" may turn out not to be settled at all. It is still very much there in our mind, and we may discover that we are actually drawn in the opposite direction from the one we thought we had chosen.

As we continue putting things into words, we may also begin to see why we had convinced ourselves that "this is what I want", or why we thought "I've already decided".

Behind this, there may be assumptions we were not even aware of, social values we have absorbed over many years, or certain standards we use to judge what is right or wrong.

For example, we may realise that although we no longer really want to continue something, we have convinced ourselves that we do because we are bound by beliefs such as "It is wrong to give up halfway" or "It is important to keep going, even in difficult circumstances."

Or perhaps we thought we had "already decided" simply because that was easier. We can continue along the same path we have always followed. Even if it has become uninteresting, it is easier to stay on a familiar path. We can simply continue out of inertia. But perhaps we are actually drawn in the opposite direction. Perhaps that is where something we genuinely want to do lies.

Yet going in that direction may mean breaking out of our own shell. It may require effort. We may have to explain ourselves to family members who have always seen us as "this kind of person". That can feel like a lot of trouble. Putting things into words can help us see that these feelings have been there all along.

Creating our own narrative

In English, a "narrative" can be described as "stories shared from an individual's own life experiences" — a story told from our own perspective, shaped through our own experiences.

One of the things I felt strongly after completing the Summer Reflection programme this summer was the importance of this idea of our own narrative.

We are all influenced, often without even realising it, by other people — seniors and mentors, parents, friends, acquaintances, and people we have seen as our "role models".

It is natural to be influenced by the words, lives and narratives of people we respect. Their narratives can inspire us and give us encouragement.

But it is unfortunate if, without realising it, we begin trying to make our own narrative look like theirs, and in doing so, end up feeling trapped by it. The path your role model has followed does not have to be the same as yours. In fact, it is perfectly fine for it to be different. I would even say that perhaps it should be different.

"After this role, I should do that. Then I should get this degree. By that age, I should have done this..." Perhaps we are more bound by someone else's path than we realise.

What you really want to do. The values that truly matter to you — which may not necessarily fit with the values of society around you. And the path, the narrative, that you genuinely want to create in line with those values.

By putting these things into words, many participants came to realise again: "This is what I actually want."

That, for me, was the power of coaching that I experienced again through these sessions.

If you are interested in coaching

My 45-minute coaching experience session (€20) is available at any time. You can book a session here.

If you would first like to see whether we are a good fit, or simply talk with me and get a sense of who I am, you can start with a free 20-minute chemistry call here.

For organisations interested in introducing coaching, or in discussing leadership and talent development incorporating coaching, you can book a free consultation here.