Living on Your Own Timeline

In the Netherlands, the days are getting longer, and I can feel spring approaching little by little.
 

Last week here in the Province of South Holland, we had what is called the “Crocus holiday,” a spring break. For the past five years, it has become a family tradition for us to go on a ski trip during this holiday. That also means that my own skiing history is now five years.
 

Therefore, two weeks ago, I went skiing for the first time in a year. On the very first day, without any warm-up, I stepped onto the slope - and to my surprise, my body moved quite well.
 

Over the past few years, although I had learned to ski quite well, I had begun to feel stuck. Somehow, I could not ski as freely as I wanted. I also had the sense that I had developed some undesirable habits. So last year, I decided to take a two-hour lesson. The instructor had 49 years of skiing experience. Within the first twenty minutes, that feeling of being stuck disappeared - surprisingly quickly and almost effortlessly.

This year, as I started skiing, I noticed that my body was naturally making the movements I had learned a year ago. “Oh - I hadn’t forgotten,” I thought, feeling surprised but happy.

 

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There Is No End to Learning

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Something I began after the age of fifty has truly settled into me. It is certainly true that during the first year, when I jokingly called it my “solo club activity,” I went regularly to an indoor ski slope to practise. That foundation helped. Still, even though I now ski only once a year, my body remembers. Once again, I was reminded that learning and practice have power - regardless of age.
 

Another thing I felt strongly this time, as I wrote last year, is the meaning of learning from a “master.”

 

Self-study and independent learning certainly have value. However, learning directly from someone who has walked the path for decades - someone who embodies not only skill but also attitude and philosophy - carries a depth that is different from building things in one’s own way.

 

Five years ago, before our very first family ski trip, we took a lesson at an indoor slope. The young instructor said:

 

“There is always something to learn from lessons - even for advanced skiers.”

 

During this year’s trip, I heard that a friend and his son, both advanced snowboarders, continue to train all year round at their local club.

 

When I asked, “Do you still have things to learn?” The friend replied,

“Oh yeah - still tons of things to learn!”

 

In any field, there seems to be no end to learning - Coaching, facilitation, the Dutch language, parenting, and simply being human. Just as learning has no end, I believe that the process of understanding ourselves also has no end.

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Living on Your Own Timeline

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In coaching conversations, I often hear comments like these:

 

“My friend told me I should hurry up and do ○○, and now I feel anxious.”

“I found out that someone I see as a rival has done △△, and I feel left behind.”

 

Someone they know has started a PhD, and they begin to wonder whether they should do the same.
After finishing a work contract overseas and returning home, they are told they should quickly begin job hunting, and they feel unsettled.

 

At first glance, these seem like practical decisions about education or career. However, more often than not, what moves the emotions is not the action itself, but the assumptions and norms behind it.

 

• The implicit belief that we should follow a certain timeline

• The structure of comparing ourselves to others to measure our worth

• The social pressure that tells us we must not fall behind

   

These frameworks are shaped by institutions and culture, and they become quietly internalised within us. They can then appear as anxiety or discouragement.

 

Take the word “job hunting” in Japan, for example, the particular phrase they use in the language, "SHU-KATSU (就活)". What kind of energy does that word carry? For me, it brings to mind:

 

Starting at the same time as everyone else.
Being selected through competition.
Not missing the “right” timing.

 

There may be a certain rationality in this framework. But it is not necessarily the only way. What matters is to pause and ask whether these norms are truly aligned with our own values.

 

Anxiety.
Frustration.
A feeling of being left behind.

 

First, simply recognise the feeling. Acknowledge yourself for feeling it.

Notice: “I am anxious right now.” “I feel frustrated.” That is the first step.

 

Then you might ask:

 

• Which assumptions or social norms have I taken for granted?

• And separately from those, what values do I truly want to honour?

   

When we look there carefully, we may find that instead of reacting from urgency - “I must act immediately” - a calmer and more grounded choice becomes visible.

 

Not someone else’s timeline.
Not a calendar dictated by social expectations.
But choices based on the values you genuinely wish to live by.

 

In coaching conversations, I accompany this process as a supportive partner.

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Announcement

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Since November, I have been hosting a monthly Dialogue Salon on Nurturing Inclusive Spaces, alternating between English and Japanese.

 

In February, during Facilitation Week organised by the International Association of Facilitators (IAF), I held the salon in English and explored the theme of Psychological Safety. It was a rich and thoughtful dialogue. I later shared some reflections on LinkedIn, which you can read here. In March, we will continue this exploration - this time in Japanese. This is the registration page if you would like to participate in future salons in Japanese.
 

For English salons, this is the registration page. The next salon will be in April, and the time will be 2.00 pm CET instead of the usual 1.00 pm CET, so please take note. The facilitator and the theme are still being decided. If you have any ideas, please feel free to share them with me.

The Dialogue Salon is open not only to professional facilitators, but also to anyone who takes on a facilitative role or hosts dialogue in their professional or other activities - as well as those who are simply interested in meaningful conversation and nurturing inclusive spaces.

 

If you register once, you will receive information about each session one to two weeks in advance.

 

I would be delighted to continue this exploration together and look forward to meeting you in dialogue.